The LBDDiaries.com Blog

There are a lot of blogs aimed at or written by younger mothers who blog about their children.  I think that is wonderful.**

But this isn’t one of them.  I’m from the other side.  The dark side.

I am here to tell you something.  Shhhh. It is a very well kept secret.

There are definite benefits to having your children moved out of the house.  OK, there are major benefits to having your children moved out of the house.

You have reached a different stage of enjoyment with your kids. You are blessed to be able to see “who” they have become.  Alpha Hubby and I love  that our son is also one of our best friends (along with his wife and their friends).

Be that as it may, after he moved out (and my short heart-aching meltdown), it didn’t take long to realize the benefits.  I looked over at Alpha Hubby and we shared a very sly grin together.  Helloooo, baby!

I was blessed to have a mother who warned me to take care of business so that when Alpha Son was out, Alpha Hubby and I would still know each other. She warned to protect our relationship so we didn’t look at one another after 17 years and think, “WHO is this person?”

The best years ever as a couple are those after you have finished the years of raising children.  I know each stage of your child is wonderful and you never stop loving and praying for them.  But you let them go to spread their wings to fly or hit a wall, their choice. You are there IF they need you but your focus has changed.  No.  That’s not true.  My focus has always been on Alpha Hubby, but I was also mom.  It isn’t the same during as it is afterward.  “Mommy, why is the door locked?”  No, it never happened but it could easily have!

You can now get back to the business of chasing one another around the house.

Alpha Hubby and I didn’t get that when we married. He took on the responsibility of Alpha Son and I believe Alpha Son would not be who he is today were it not for Alpha Hubby. He is the one who completed the manly-man training.  I mean, I have to blame someone for this:

So anyway, my point is that there is more of this under the tree and less little metal cars:

We will sit in front of this on Christmas eve and share what we love about one another:

There will be this:

And some of this:

And lots of this:

And…

…well, needless to say, that simply is NONE of your business!

No matter what stage you are in your life, ENJOY it.

Oh, and the title?  Well, it caught your attention didn’t it???  HO HO HO!!

Santa Baby, slip a sable under the tree – for me
Been an awful good girl
Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight -0 de dum de dum dum da dum….

**Not to imply that mothers who blog about their children can’t do these things, too.  I know they do, thru experience.  I’m talking about once the kids have moved out of the house and you’re free to run wild without embarrassing interruptions.

(Look Babe! Your Worst Nightmare)

How do I describe Christmas at our house?  It is not the normal peaceful candle-lit home with Christmas music wafting out of speakers high up near the ceiling.   Not the normal simmering potpourri on the stovetop.  No children nestled all snug in their beds ’cause they are at their own house, doing their own thing.  Except for fixing the food.  Then they pack their lazy booties into their car and travel to momma’s house and…. *Ahem*  Please excuse the digression.  Allow me continue.

Not the normal stockings except one pretty, sparkly “DIVA” one and all I want is chocolate in it, filled to the brim.  But no chocolate if the fire is crackling in the fireplace.  And if there are any more creatures stirring, I don’t wanna know about it.  They should all be gone or terminated by now.  ZAP and Merry Christmas to you, you little buggers.  BLAH Hum-mouse.

NO sugar plums since we don’t eat sugar like that.  And if I did eat sugar plums and they were dancing in my head, I’d seriously be wondering what I’d been drinking.  Any clattering on our lawn would mean the cows got out and are making a run for it, so no.  It is not what some would call the norm for Christmas at our house.

Nope.  At our house we have CHRISTMAS MAYHEM.  Murder most foul.  Slaughter and chaos.  Threats of brutality and violence.  Total and one hundred percent WAR.  Each and every year.  WAR! Hunh! good God, ya’all… what is it good for?  Absolutely somethang… if I win!*

You ask “Why? Why at this most sacred of holidays are you at war?”  Well, I’ll tell you why.  It is so sad and it is over something so innocent, so pure, so fragile that I am sure you will be as horrified as I am by the evil perpetrated against these sweet things (on some, click on pix to see larger image, then hit the BACK arrow):

 THIS above is how I know God is into snowmen
Praising & Praying Snowmen

We don’t have peace on earth because of HIM.  I mean, gee – this is only a few of my snowmen.  And I don’t know why I feed his rage.  I guess there is just something inside me that is a wee bit… shall we say warped?  Sort of like poking a stick at a big old bear!  Heh heh heh.  I would say I’m sorry but I can’t.  It wouldn’t be true.

I’m not even half as bad as I used to be.  Last year I gave away at least half my stock to a women’s shelter.  Does that stop his whining and threats of violence?  Nay!  He dreams of hanging them by their little scarves then letting me walk in and find them.  He wants to take a blowtorch to them.  I’ve even heard rumors of chain saws and snow shovels.

I say that it is just WRONG.  What did a snowman EVER do to him?  Is it that he could never build THE perfect one when he was a child?  Did his sisters keep knocking his snowman over?  Did one fall on him?  Or poke its carrot nose where it didn’t belong?  WHAT?  WHAT would cause such animosity in this otherwise nice decent guy?

We may never know.  And the war continues even though I’ve been really good.  I promised I’d only buy new ones if they were unique, hard to find or irreplaceable.  In other words, I am not allowed to go to K-M*rt and raid the Christmas aisle.

But… YOU can!!  Yes, Virginia, there is a solution.  If you want to join me in driving Alpha Hubby Christmas Nuts, you can mail me an unusual snowman.  Wouldn’t that be the best way to spread Christmas cheer?  Bwahahahaha!!! 

Oh OK, just kidding.  Really, hon!  Don’t read any further, OK???  (To everyone else, if you send me an email or say in the comment, I’ll let you know my address… hee hee).

I’ll leave you with a little link that is Jake singing (there is an Elwood but I don’t have his pix yet; these reference the movie The Blues Brothers).  He’s singing “I’m A Snow Man” just for you – sung to the tune, “I’m A Soul Man.”  These are my fave two snowmen – and Alpha Hubby even enjoys listening to them (so he’s not all bad – Alpha Hubby, not Jake).

http://www.plushzone.com/sounds/snowman.mp3

(It requires Quicktime so you may not be able to hear it)

p.s.  Lest you think my Alpha Hubby is totally evil, he purchased the two snowmen sitting in the middle of the first snowmen picture when he was in PA on business.  He REALLY loves me, beyond snowmen.  That’s a lot.

*Reference to the song WAR by Edwin Starr (or those of you who saw RUSH with Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker)
.

(Quotes from The Princess Bride movie, official site)

Westley:  Hear this now: I will always come for you.
Buttercup:  But how can you be sure?
Westley:  This is true love – you think this happens every day?

Westley:  I told you I would always come for you. Why didn’t you wait for me?
Buttercup:  Well… you were dead.
Westley:  Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.
Buttercup: I will never doubt again.
Westley: There will never be a need.

So I am sure you’re thinking, “Huh?  Am I in church today or something?”  No, no.  Just sharing a scripture because one day I dug out some other translations of that chapter and discovered that these verses truly express the love Alpha Hubby has for me.  His love never fails me. 

Just like the quote above from The Princess Bride – a wonderfully warm, funny, touching movie with twist on a classic fairy tale of true love — true love just doesn’t happen every day. 

Alpha Hubby has shown me what unconditional love is.  I never dreamed I would experience it in my lifetime.  He shows me true love – the kind that doesn’t happen every day – the kind death cannot stop.  His love manifests like this:

He is patient.
He is kind
He is not envious
He does not have a high opinion of himself, especially over me
He is not arrogant
He is always fair – if he is wrong, he admits it
He doesn’t EVER put himself first or only think of himself
He doesn’t insist on his own way all the time
He is absolutely not quick to anger – and if he gets angry, he is also very quick to forgive
He is never resentful
He doesn’t keep a record of wrongs done to him
He is always supportive, loyal, faithful, and trusting
He never gives up on me
He always believe the best in and of me

How can I not love this man?  Love is… “the arms that are holding you” - his love never fails me.

Baby, thank you for asking me to marry you when you didn’t even realize you were going to.  I’ve never regreted one day.  Not for even a moment.  

I never knew.  Now I do.  And I’m so grateful I waited for the best.

.

Lyrics – Love Never Fails, sung by Brandon Heath:

Love is not proud
Love does not boast
Love after all
Matters the most

Love does not run
Love does not hide
Love does not keep
Locked inside

Love is the river that flows through
Love never fails you

Love will sustain
Love will provide
Love will not cease
At the end of time

Love will protect
Love always hopes
Love still believes
When you don’t

Love is the arms that are holding you
Love never fails you

When my heart won’t make a sound
When I can’t turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this
Greater than this

Love is right here
Love is alive
Love is the way,
The truth, the life

Love is the river that flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to
Love never fails you

**WARNING-WARNING**

**LOUD OBNOXIOUS BIRTHDAY MUSIC **

*CLICK ON LITTLE RIGHT ARROW TO GO TO NEXT SONG*

OR 

*JUST TURN IT DOWN OR PAUSE IT ON PLAYER* 

Yep.  It is my big bad-boy Alpha Hubby’s birthday today (November 23rd).  He’s the big $*#& – what? You thought I was going to tell you?  No, no.  I value my life a wee bit too much.  But it’s a B*I*G* one – B*I*G*.  H*U*G*E*.  A milestone.  One that I would love to razz him about but… mine is coming so I have to be good.  Oh, it’s not that bad.  I just had to slightly razz him.  He’d wonder what I was up to if I didn’t do a little bit.  Oh, OK – I’ll tell you.  He’s 18.

17 years 8 months and 19 days ago, Alpha Hubby and I were married.  It has been an amazing journey and I am so grateful to be sharing this walk with him.  I put 18 candles on his cake because as far as I’m concerned, his life wasn’t worth *bupkis until he met me.  Otay?  Otay!

It sure has been full of wonder.  Through the not so nice slightly tight times, amazing times, better and best times, I’m so glad it’s been with you.  Wowzers, baby! 

So Alpha Hubby, for your birthday, I’m putting 13 songs on the Player just for you (list below).  Some of them are your favorites.  Some are just silly birthday ditties.  Any of them you don’t wanna hear, just click on the next song, turn it down by using the slider and your mouse, or turn it off by clicking on the Arrow (which pauses it).  Some (like Bad to the Bone) can get obnoxious so you can just go to the next song!  A couple are… not nice.  They are supposed to be funny.

You already know what you’re getting for your birthday (sly grin).  Hurry home and unwrap me… oh, errr, um, it!  Unwrap IT.  And this time your cake might have more than one shredded carrot in it, but I can’t promise.

And I’m really glad you’re bad to the bone, just for me.  You make everything groovy.

—————————

*bupkis (uncountable) – absolutely nothing; nothing of value, significance or substance

List of Songs

– # Title Artist –

1 Bad To The Bone George Thorogood

2 A Happy Happy Birthday Song Arrogant Worms (really strange song)

3 Seven Spanish Angels Willie Nelson

4 Little Red Riding Hood Sam The Sham & The Pharaohs

5 Your Man Josh Turner

6 Come a Little Bit Closer Marty Robbins

7 I’d Love To Lay You Down Conway Twitty

8 I’m A Believer The Monkeys

9 Wild Thing The Troggs

10 You Don’t Mess Around With Jim Jim Croce

11 Go with Me Josh Turner

12 Stuck On You Lionel Richie

13 Happy Twistin’ Birthday Big Daddy

Sometimes songs are so perfect.  Someone else wrote the words and music, but they perfectly describe what you are trying to say about or to someone.

I can see it in your eyes
You’ve had a long day
Let’s lock the doors
Pull down the shades
Turn some music on
Pour a glass of sweet, red wine
Let the candles burn
Put your hand in mine

One thing Alpha Hubby loves to do is slow dance.  It is very romantic to put on music and slow dance in the kitchen… dining room… living room.  Anywhere the impulse hits one of us.  He is a very romantic man.  He was far more romantic when we met than I was, but I’m learning, more and more.

Dance with me,
Don’t say a word, just dance with me.
Let the world outside disappear,
Baby, what we got here
Is all we need
Dance with me

It’s so funny because as most of you know when we met, he really didn’t know how to dance.  I told the story of how he wanted to be able to dance with me at an office party we had to attend.  If not, it’s HERE (if you do it now, be sure and pause the song otherwise it will play on the other page, too).  Alpha Hubby was such a smooth slow dancer than evening.  We didn’t want to do anything else – just dance to the slow ones.  I know we fogged up the floor.

I kiss you goodbye
In the early morning light
Sometimes I don’t get home
’till it’s cold and dark outside
But baby here we are
we’re together all alone
We’ve finally found a moment
We can call our own

He leaves early to go to work and gets home late, 12-13 hours later.  Every morning, he kisses me goodbye.  He quit for awhile a few years back and my days just didn’t go right.  I told him he can’t neglect me like that.  It is an addiction to me, being awakend by his kiss.  Since then, he’s never ever forgotten.

Dance with me,
Don’t say a word, just dance with me
Let the world outside disappear
Baby, what we got here is all we need

Those times when we dance, we really are alone, in a cocoon and the world outside disappears.  What we have together is all we need.  He always tells me that if we lived in the middle of 1000 acres, we’d be fine with only one another.  He works to make us work.  He is always looking to better himself for me.  He is my best friend.  He is the only one who has my best interests in mind at all times.   He is a gift from God.

He loves me.  He wants to dance with me.  I am thankful.

So the other day Alpha Hubby and I were having one of our deep, important discussions.  Oh OK, truth is, I was talking and he was pretending to listen intently.  He’s really good at that.

I was telling him about an author of the romantic suspense novel I was reading (oh and you know this was of burning interest to him).  I explained how I really liked that the author carried main characters over into each subsequent novel.  One set of characters you meet in one novel will show up in a small way in the next novel.  This is especially nice if you liked the characters and wonder what happened to them.

What I really liked about the author, I explained, was that she showed the previous couples as still being passionate toward one another, even after time has passed, and even after having children.  The couple would still sneak off in the middle of a party to lock themselves into the library for a little tryst.  They still looked at one another across a crowded room.  They still held hands and still made time for one another.  They still carried on as if they were madly in love.

He grunted a “huh” to show he was listening.  He’s good at that, too.

“It’s really nice even if it is just fiction,” I went on, “because it seems that in real life so many women are busy putting their children and everything else first.  They have a baby and don’t come up for air for 17 years.  It is as if the husband doesn’t exist anymore except as an afterthought.   Sometimes on a blog, I’ll check their ‘About Me’ section just to see if they are even married.   You’re always first in my life and Alpha Son came out okay.  He knew he was well and totally loved by both of us.  Wonder why so many women make that mistake?”

He said, “Well, I’m sure their men are in the background somewhere, hoping to be noticed again someday.  Hoping they might be going to get some somehow, somewhere, some day.  Thinking maybe they’ll be first again.”

“Um, yes, exactly.”

Leave it to Alpha Hubby to get to the bottom line of most men’s thought process.

“Well anyway,” I continued, “that is why I like this author.  She always shows the characters as maintaining the passion and love, putting one another first.  What’s so funny is that people think this isn’t real – that this type of love really is fiction.  They act like you can’t sustain the passion and romantic attitude after being married for awhile.  They act like things like that are unrealistic.  Yet we do it.”

“Well, that’s because we are unrealistic.”  He then grinned at me.

“I never thought about that, but you may be onto something.  We are unrealistic according to some people.  Oh, they make the excuses like, ‘well, your kid is out of the house now’ or ‘you only had one kid’ or whatever…”

He interrupts, “That is just an excuse.  People make excuses when something isn’t important to them.”

“You’re right.” 

“And besides,” he continues, “I’m gonna be first in your life or else.  You got that, woman!?”

*Sigh* I love when he goes all Neanderthal on me.

The rest of the conversation really should be taken behind closed doors.  No peeking!

Whatever Lola Wants, Lola Gets.   Well, I guess I should say “Whatever Nan Wants, Nan Gets.”

This wasn’t always true.  As a matter of fact, I can say with a straight face that I never got anything I wanted until Alpha Hubby.  He broke the curse.

Once I got out on my own, I was able to date, go to class (or not), screw up, and make it or not by my own choices.  I did fairly well with the exception of dating.  Without fail, I had one thing “wrong” with me that chased away every guy I ever dated.

I was raised that you did not have sex until after marriage.  So if I declared “I won’t have sex with you”, it was see-ya-wouldn’t-wanna-be-ya with every guy.  E.V.E.R.Y. guy, without fail.  Oh, some took it as a challenge so I learned the difference between a date and a wrestling match.  I also made a lot of male friends (i.e. if I wouldn’t sleep with them, they would hang around because they liked me but went off to plow greener umm – pastures). 

And that was just college!  Even guys after that seemed to think there was something wrong with me because I wouldn’t fall into bed with them at the drop of a drink, jewel or promise.

I’ve lived a lot like that old Linda Ronstadt song (When Will I Be Loved):  I’ve been cheated, been mistreated, been put down, been pushed round, when I met a new man that I wanted for mine, he always broke my heart in two every time, been made blue, and been lied to.  On top of that, I’ve lived in fear, been involved with Mr. Evil and his twin brother Mr. Psycho, been part of a drama that made soap operas look tame, had to get over some pretty nasty stuff, AND made a decision I was NEVER going to love or get married again, ever, never, ever.

For a long time, I was single, alone, and at peace.  My home was exactly the same way when I got home at night as it was when I left that morning – completely and totally peaceful.  No one bellowing.  No one criticizing.  No one cheating, bleating or fleeting. 

But I also never knew what true and unconditional love was.  I never had It.  I never had faithfulness.  That breath-taking knowing that he was never going to cheat, bleat or be fleeting!  I never knew what it was like to be at total ease with someone, without pretending.  I never laughed without worrying about how I sounded or looked, I never had freedom from makeup, never had passion that was real, or been given everything I wanted.

Then came him. 

Then Lola got everything she wanted.  Literally, physically, spiritually and emotionally.  I not only met a guy who was willing to hold out until after we were married, respecting what I wanted, he also understood it to the point he took the decision as his own, too.  Thank goodness we only had 7 weeks before we got married. “Nuff said on that.

I discovered I was married to a man who would, with every breath in his body, try to give me anything and everything my heart desires.  He still does.  I have to be very careful what I desire.  Some women would take advantage of a man with such a big heart like that.

He cooks, cleans, builds, works, puts me first and himself last, creates anything I need to make my life easier, and he would die for me.  And yes, he would kill for me if it required that to protect me.  He is an old fashioned man, opening doors, walking on the curb side, and always in protection mode. 

He is a throwback to another era where knights in shining armor took the lady’s favor before they went into battle.  He would slay dragons for me (and has).  He is stubborn, domineering, dominating, passionate about what he believes in, and absolutely 100 percent hates to be questioned when he knows he is right, even if it is just for information and not to say “you are wrong.”

Living with him is sometimes not easy – I am also stubborn, domineering, dominating, passionate about what I believe in, and absolutely 100 percent want to be acknowledged when I am right about something he thinks I know nothing about.  But because of his huge heart, we are able to have much more peace in our home than battles.  Even the first “adjustment” year of giving together.  Hey that’s a great typo – giving together.  I meant living together but what we did was give!

Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets – and baby, what she wants is YOU.  The lyrics say it all:

Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets
And little man, little Lola wants you.
Make up your mind to have
No regrets
Recline yourself
Resign yourself, you’re through

I always get what I aim for
And your heart and soul
Is what I came for

Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets
Take off your coat
Don’t you know you can’t win
You’re no exception to the rule
I’m irresistible, you fool… give in
Give in, you’ll never win

Whatever Lola Wants (Lola Gets) Ella Fitzgerald

One thing that strengthens my relationship with Alpha Hubby is his sense of humor and patience.  Hmm – I guess that is two things.  And boy, does he need them both because without them we wouldn’t have what we have now.

We had the benefit of knowing God was up to something when we met.  Knowing that, I believe, gave us an extra added “bump” to protect our marriage from the known danger factors.  You know factors such as eating my special cashews.

Oh, you would think this is no big deal but Alpha Hubby is a dirty low down rotten scoundrel thief.  Yeah you heard me, baby – YOU are a dirty low down rotten scoundrel thief.  

His thievery started out the first year we were married.  He stole an innocent child’s chicken strips.  That is a story for another day but suffice it to say, Alpha Son still talks about his chicken strips 16 years later.

Now the cashew issue is one that still bugs me to this day.  Oh yeah, sure I’ve forgiven him and generally forgotten about it.  Then I will see a container of beautiful whole cashews and the memory jumps on me again, taking me to places I shouldn’t go.  Places of revenge.  Of getting even.

The story goes like this.  Once upon a time, a friend sent me these unbelievably huge whole cashews knowing how much I liked them.  There were very few in the specialty store container but oh so delish looking.  I can drag out big cashews like that – eating a couple here and there, savoring every bite for weeks!  They had also sent English walnuts for Alpha Hubby.  Got that?  Cashews for me, English walnuts for him.

After gouging a small hole in the plastic covering and digging out a couple of cashews, I set the container on the countertop.  I gave Alpha Hubby his walnuts.  I don’t remember what I wandered off to do but I wasn’t gone THAT long.  I always had those cashews in the back of my mind, salivating.

The next time I went into the kitchen, I decided to get another cashew.  To my horror, the container was EMPTY.  I am quite afraid that I emitted a rather… unladylike BELLOW.  “WHERE ARE MY CASHEWS??”

It wasn’t as if I didn’t know being that we were the only two at home.  He came into the dining room, looked at the empty container, looked at my flushed (and not from s*x) face and knew he was doomed.

I truly hesitate to tell you what he said.  But he swears he wasn’t misbehaving and that it wasn’t him or his fault or… but give me a break.  He had salt on his lips and cashews on his breath.

Misbehaving.  And playing that innocent “who me?” surprised-that-I’d-suspect-him look combined with “uh oh, busted” look.  I can’t tell you how many times he’s done this in our marriage.  He really is a dirty low down rotten scoundrel thief.   And NO I don’t mark out the words this time.  Scoundrel.

Lessons I had to learn in our marriage:  Don’t leave anything in the fridge that I want to eat later.  Not without making him look me in the eyes (to ensure he really heard me) and threatening his life if he touches it.  Don’t leave the last best favorite bite on my plate and look away or get up from the table.  It won’t be there when I return.  Oh blah blah blahdy blah.

Let’s just cut to the chase.  Don’t leave any food or drink anywhere near him and actually think it will be there if I leave the room and come back.  Or look away to talk to someone.  It is gone in 10 seconds.  It always makes him feel so superior to steal my food even if I sort of sneakily let him, to keep from overeating.   He doesn’t know that.  Oh.  Guess he does now, huh?

But does he share?  I DON’T THINK SO.  Not only is he a dirty low down rotten scoundrel thief, he is also a stingy slick-willy greedy guts who doesn’t share his own food.  Case in point?  His organic peanut butter.

The other night, he was contentedly sitting at the table eating some bread and peanut butter.  He guards his peanut butter like it is gold.  If he leaves to get some milk, he always looks as me suspiciously when he comes back to see if I took a bite of his bread (I don’t… unless he’s already taken a bite and may not notice if some was nibbled off that area).  Oh.  I guess he knows that now, too.  Huh.

So the other day, I flat out tried to steal his coated up bread.  He fought me off.  So I gave up and leaned in to kiss him.  He put his hand up and stopped me, declaring:

“Stop!  You’re just trying to get secondhand peanut butter.”

Greedy guts.  How did he know?

.

At least he ain’t misbehavin’ with my heart!

Count Basie, Ain’t Misbehavin (Recorded 1959)