February 6th, 2014 | 10 Comments »

candy hearts

I can’t believe this Valentine’s Day we are going on twenty years together next month!  It seems just like yesterday that I saw you leaning against your supervisor’s cubicle doorway smiling at me.

People talk about Storybook Endings – I find I am still living a Storybook Beginning.  My life’s story is still full of joy, passion, expectations, and adventures – all because of you.

lacy heart

Do you remember that we made a deal not too soon after we were married?  We said, “This is awesome! Let’s never become roommates.  Let’s keep the honeymoon going.  Let’s never take one another for granted.  It doesn’t matter what others do, let’s protect us!” 

In 19 years 11 months, 2 days, and 20 plus hours, you have done an amazing job of keeping your word.  Anytime we began to drift, we’d stop and say, “What is going on here and why?”  Then you’d help us correct that wrong pathway and keep us going straight on the Storybook Pathway.

You have given me the precious gift of realizing that True Love is not a lie, not a fairy tale, not a wild dream.  True Love is reality, in you.

Romantic kiss

How could I have known that evening when you were on your knee asking me to marry you, that my answer was going to be the best decision I ever made?  That it would change my life in ways no one could have told me existed?  I didn’t even know my world was grey until you burst through bringing that sunshine of love that warms me, inside and out.

In our 19 years 11 months, 2 days, and 20 plus hours together, you’ve been there for me in every way possible.  You are the only person on this earth who knows me at all.  You know me.  What a gift because in knowing me, you still love me!  Wow.

heart cc Flickr photo seyed mostafa zamani

When I need hope and inspiration, you are there holding my hand and sharing wisdom.  You are always strong when I am not.  You taught me how powerful passion from True Love is.   I love that we are still learning and growing in that area!  You are my shelter in every storm ever faced.  And what an anchor you’ve been.  You did help mend my broken heart so that my real life started with you. 

It is hard to believe that 20 years ago at this time, we were heading to a Valentine’s Day banquet, secretly engaged a month after we met.  And two and a half weeks later, we were married.  And in all this time, your armor has never tarnished.  The more I know you, the better you are.  You are the epitome of the word honor.  You are dominant but you let me be me.  You are giving, loving, romantic, easy to fight with because you don’t fight fair, and you are so gifted at being my friend, lover, and life’s mate. 

Two bound hearts with raytraced texture. White background.

You love me so boldly and unconditionally.  It still surprises me sometimes.  Your love is steadfast and sure, that ONE thing I can count on in this world (aside from God’s love).  YOU love me.  You LOVE me!  You love ME! 

And the very best part of that love is that after 19 years 11 months, 2 days, and 20 plus hours together, you still love me as madly, passionately and completely as you did in the beginning.  No.  More so, actually.

Happy boy

You still take my breath away with your love.  Sometimes I come across the notes and cards we first shared with one another when we were working in the same office.  I read the things you wrote to me and am amazed how true everything you said to me was and has come to pass.  

You said if I hooked myself up with you, there wasn’t anything we couldn’t overcome, anywhere we couldn’t go, nothing that we wanted to accomplish that we couldn’t as long as we were together.

I truly am still happier than I’ve ever been in my life.  You became the truth of what I’d only dreamed about.

Hot crop

Baby, thank you for these years, each better than the last.  Thank you for 20 years of unconditional love, sometimes warm and fuzzy, mostly insanely hot and passionate.

Thank you for adventures, oceans, giving me the first ever flowers from a man, making me the best fudge, not murdering my snowmen, making me feel precious and valuable, seashells, laughter, joy, passion, and all my wishes coming true in you.  You are so much better than anything I could have dreamed up.

Once upon a time book cover

There is no ending in a True Love Story.  It just gets better and better because you truly are the best thing that ever happened to me.

Here is to The Beginning of our next twenty years.

Je te veux, j’ai besoin de toi, Je t’aime.
Chaque fois que vous voulez.  Partout où vous voulez.

December 7th, 2013 | 11 Comments »

We just had a majorly COLD ice and snow storm (bad for Arkansas).

Poor Little Christmas Light1

Poor Little Christmas Light

I know for some Northern people, this is no biggie; however, the one thing I missed when I moved to Arkansas was SNOW.  I was raised more in snow-areas than not, and while there were times I thought, “I can’t take any more of this stinkin’ snow and ice” – when I moved South, I missed it.

I remember when I lived in Louisiana it snowed once.  The funniest thing I ever saw were the people who’d never seen snow before.  Imagine, if you will, people in t-shirts, shorts and flip-flops out in their front yards looking up at the snow falling and trying to make snowballs.  The juxtaposition between their flip flops and shorts, and them dancing in snowflakes stays with me to this day!

It really never used to snow in Arkansas; yet the first year we were married there was a major snow storm.  Then a few more here and there over the years.  So every year I begin confessing, “I want snow for Christmas!”  Alpha Hubby starts confessing, “There will be NO snow. No, no, no.”  Then I say, “I don’t think that is fair.  You know you love me so I should have snow for Christmas.”  Then he whines (being cold is the only thing that makes him alpha-whine), “Well, fine but only on the ground, not the roads.”  Score!!

Clear Drivewa

Now I’m not a photog so while I’m sure these could be better, they are what they are – MY SNOW:

Isn’t it funny how snow can turn a colorful world in the black and white, with shades of grey?

A Shade of Grey

And I certainly won’t be drinking my morning tea on my deck for awhile!

My Office Deck

Human vs Nature in Christmas decorating!

P1110077

We’ll probably have to knock the snow off the outdoor Christmas decor.

A Snow on Christmas Decor

And there won’t be any more fresh herbs either!

Backyard 12-2013

I love the beauty of snow (when I can stay inside).  I love looking out my huge office windows:

A Window & Blue Bottles

Side Window & Blue Bottles

And looking out my kitchen window, through icicles, to the green snow covered trees and blue sky!

snow trees and icicles

So that is my snow adventure for this week!  I will leave you with something to think about – ho ho ho!

A Flip Flop in Snow

September 9th, 2013 | 16 Comments »

One of my favorite songs is “What Are You Doing The Rest of Your Life?”  The lyrics are written by Alan Bergman and Marilyn Bergman and original music written by Michel Legrand for the 1969 film The Happy Ending.

I truly love this song.  I’ve always loved songs like this from the 1940’s-1960′s, probably because they were so full of all kinds of love.  I love singing 40’s torch songs, too.  They suit my voice – those and blues. I always wanted to stand in a satin dress on a stage, holding on to huge old microphone, crooning those 40’s love songs.  *Sigh*

What are you doing the rest of your life
North and south and east and west of your life?
I have only one request of your life
That you spend it all with me

All the seasons and the times of your days
All the nickels and the dimes of your days
Let the reasons and the rhymes of your days
All begin and end with me

What I like about this one is it reminds me of when I met Alpha Hubby.  Yeah, yeah, I know every love song reminds me of him, but some are better than others!  This is one that resonates with me because he wanted (and wants) to own the rest of my life, all my days, my tomorrows, my summer, winter, spring, fall, north, south, east, and west of my life.   He wanted my everything.

And I wanted to give it – so desperately.

I want to see your face in every kind of light
In fields of gold and forests of the night
And when you stand before the candles on a cake
Oh let me be the one to hear
The silent wish you make

He loved staring at my face, watching every emotion that ran across it.  He wanted to know the love he saw was real.  He wanted to be the wish I blow my birthday candles out for.  He wanted to awaken what was asleep in my eyes, even though it would take several kisses.  Such a hardship.

Those tomorrows waiting deep in your eyes
In the world of love you keep in your eyes
I’ll awaken what’s asleep in your eyes
It may take a kiss or two

Like a Knight of old, he swore allegiance to me, to my protection and happiness, then and for every day of my future.  And he has kept every promise, every vow, that he gave me back when we met.

We talk constantly about our relationship.  We are both in awe that in this entire world, we found one another… in Arkansas, a State we both ended up moving to for different reasons.  We ended up working at the same place, at the right time.

And even more crazy?  In his late 20’s, he worked in a town in Missouri in a strip mall, in a store next door to my cousin, Michael, and knew him.  THAT is a small world.  No degree of separation.  Tell me Someone didn’t have a hand in our meeting one another.

We both celebrate that we did meet, even though we do both wish it could have been when we were younger so that we could have had even longer together.  We are full of gratitude, and that is one of the strongest reasons it stays fresh and passionate.

Through all of my life
Summer, winter, spring and fall of my life
All I ever will recall of my life
Is all of my life with you

And he is very passionate not just about me, but also about life.  Our favorite quote to one another, is by A.A. Milne’s Winnie the Pooh:

“If you live to be a hundred,
I want to live to be a hundred minus one day
so I never have to live without you.”

– except we’re aiming for 120.

Scientists say we can easily live to 120, strong, healthy, vibrant, and full of life, so we choose to do that.  It’s better to aim for 120 than 70 or 80!

 I have far too many adventures and too much living left to do with this man – the rest of my life.

April 6th, 2013 | 9 Comments »

Ten points:

  1. One time when I was down and blue, a wise person told me to sit down with a journal, a piece of paper, a notebook, just something, and write down ten (10) down that I liked about myself.
  2. It was VERY hard at first. I wasn’t used to thinking nice things about myself.  Most people aren’t.  We are conditioned to believe if we admit what’s good about ourselves, we’re selfish and conceited.
  3. I was also told that for every time I said, “I hate this about me” or “I don’t like that about me” I also had to say “BUT I really do like this about me”.
  4. The reason? When a person makes a sentence that has the word “but” in it, what comes before the word “but” is erased by what comes after.  You know, like when someone says, “I love you but…” you just erased the “I love you.”  Or “Oh I know you like that about me but…” you are saying you don’t believe they are telling the truth. 
  5. We can learn to annihilate our negative perceptions by replacing them with positive ones.
  6. Learn to say “thank you” and then stop talking.  None of that “Oh this ole thing??” when someone compliments what you are wearing.   Get rid of any disqualifying words that negate what the compliment was.
  7. Sometimes it takes work but it is important to stop putting ourselves down and to see our own worth.
  8. You are an amazing person.
  9. Learn to be amazed with yourself more often.
  10. It is time for you to see it.  Without qualifications.

Now go. 

Write down TEN (10) things about yourself that are positive.  POS-I-TIVE.  Take your time but write them down no matter how long it takes.  Then – and here’s the hard part – start to believe them.

December 21st, 2012 | 11 Comments »

I’m not ashamed to say Merry Christmas.  I don’t do “Happy Holidays” simply because I don’t like it and don’t want to.  I don’t mind if others use it and I don’t have a problem with others being upset with Merry Christmas.  It isn’t about them – it’s about ME and what I believe.  So there.  MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU.

I got to thinking the other day and realized how precious it is that people can forge unbelievably strong friendships with people they’ve never met in real life – e-friends.  I have so many e-friends and am so grateful for each and every one of you.   You make my life a better place to be!  You are fireworks.

I heard a motivational speaker say one time – a person is only a true friend when they believe in what you do and support that.  They get behind it.  They encourage you.  They leave comments.  OK, maybe he didn’t say that last bit but the rest of it is so true.  I have in-real-life friends who don’t bother to read my blog, much less comment.  They know I write one but they don’t have time to read it.  So who is the true friend – the e-friend who supports or the IRL friends you’ve known forever but don’t bother to?

RIGHT.  The e-friends.  And I love you for that.  You are stars in my life.  Gifts to me.

The other thing I thought about is how blessed I am.  Not just in my e-friends, but my family.  God has been very good to me and I don’t take that for granted.  I have an amazing son (and his beautiful wife).  He continually surprises me with his heart.  He cares so deeply about some things – like standing up for the underdog or being totally bummed someone stole two blow up yard oraments from his yard.  It isn’t the money – it is the ulgies behind that act.  He may be a gruff, macho Alpha son, but his heart is pure.

This is the guy who quit his job so he could help his grandmom stay in her home when I couldn’t find anyone faithful to hire to do that.  He did everything for her but bathe her.  He spent a year and a half with her cooking, cleaning, taking her to hair appointments and out to eat.  They had an amazing relationship (as he did with his granddad) until the very end.

And Alpha Hubby.  What more can I say that I haven’t already said excessively?  After all these years, it just keeps getting better.  I don’t know how that works, but I’m darned glad that I’m living this life with him.  He is definitely getting NO coal under the tree this year!  He’s been a very nawty boy and I thank him for that!

Christmas means different things to people.  For me, it is about the birth of Jesus.  He is my Reason for this season.  I am not ashamed of Jesus and I think most of you know that.  Not everyone agrees with me and that is your choice.  I just want you to know I love you.  That is all.

From our home to yours, may you relax and enjoy this Christmas season.  May you NOT get so focused on this:

that you feel this:

Focus more on this:

and this:

and especially this:

And be sure you take time to tell those you love that you love them, very much.

Love very much from me:

October 27th, 2012 | 19 Comments »

Today’s Song Reference:

http://youtu.be/31v6drN99N0

Long before I met Alpha Hubby, I dreamed about all the fairy tale stories – of finding that one special one who would believe in me, help me be the best I could be, dance with me, go on adventures with me, and love me, love me, love me.  I dreamed.

I also was so full of confidence.  So relaxed and in love with life.  I wasn’t afraid of anything!  I just knew nothing was impossible and great things were in store for me every single day!  I believed the best was in everyone I met (I didn’t say I was smart).  I couldn’t wait to wake up and discover what was going to happen each day.  I wore the flowing dresses, twirling around in the fields of crimson and clover, writing poetry I still understand years later – those words instantly taking me back to that exact moment I penned them.

I was an artist painting with my watercolors, brilliant, bright and vibrant, and creating charcoal and pencil drawings of every little thing and person that struck my fancy.  I listened to music that made me happy and fell in love with jazz and blues even though I wasn’t blue.  Otis Redding, Sam Cook  – mellow grooves, soul or R&B, and more Eagles and Doobie Brothers than Black Sabbath.  I was so glad to get out from under the strict thumb of my parents that I went breathlessly running with freedom.

But… somewhere along the way I lost me before I met Alpha Hubby.  I ended up being a person not quite as confident as she used to be.   Sometimes bad things happen to people.  Bad things done or bad things that happen or bad things that were said or bad accidents that change everything.  Then fears develop.  Scars and baggage slowly eat away at confidence, turning bold into fragile. 

So many of us have lost our “self” and who we thought we were.  Sometimes there has been violence that’s hard to get over.  Sometimes it is an accident that changes everything.  Sometimes it is as simple as words that are used as hammers, axes, and knives, cutting, slicing, smashing, and hacking away.  And while humans are resilient, sometimes it takes awhile to become anything resembling normal again.

 

After I met Alpha Hubby, even after all the years that had gone by before I met him, I still flinched if he raised his hand in an expressive movement while talking.  I jested in the About Me that I was waiting for him to turn into the psycho axe-murdering killer I knew he could secretly be, but really?  I was waiting for him to turn. 

And what did he do?  Well, he never turned.  He just kept loving me.  Just kept believing in me.  Just kept telling me I was amazing to him and that my dreams were valid.  He just kept putting his palm on my cheek and telling me that he could feel my love for him.  He helped erase my nightmares.

He loved my stories, stole my artwork, fell in love with my singing.  He waited while I worked through deep-seated fear issues.  He never got impatient with me.  He helped me work through my daymares and trust issues.  He kissed my tears away when I did have a nightmare.  He just kept loving and loving and loving and loving me.  He still loves that strongly to this day.

He helped me heal.  He helped me discover who I can be when there is unconditional love.  He helped me change the view I had inside me, how I saw myself.  He has been there, rock solid in his love for me no matter what.  I know that even after all this time I still have a few little tiny issues it is time to deal with.  But I know with his amazing love, I am going to keep working on finding the parts of that woman who are still missing, and I will get her back.  I will be brave.  I will not fear.  I will be a bold as I was when I was in my past. 

I truly believe God sent him to help me put myself back together again, only better because I have his true and real love.  That’s why I write so much about him and his incredible love.  It is what I know best. 

Because of him I am dancing and twirling and singing and trusting and drawing and painting and writing and just BEING.  Joyfully!

 

Only this time I am not alone!

Babe, someone said it better than me: 

You’ve got a way with me
Somehow you got me to believe
In everything that I could be
I’ve gotta say you really got a way

You’ve got a way it seems
You gave me faith to find my dreams
You’ll never know just what that means
Can’t you see you’ve got a way with me

You’ve got a way with words
You get me smiling even when it hurts
There’s no way to measure what your love is worth
I can’t believe the way you get through to me

Oh, how I adore you
Like no one before you
I love you just the way you are

It’s in the way you want me
Oh it’s in the way you hold me
The way you show me just what love’s made of
It’s in the way we make love

It’s just the way you are

July 12th, 2012 | 30 Comments »

This is a Short Love Story (a semi-redux from 2 years ago, updated).  This is the story about a girl who met a boy who loved the girl completely, totally, unconditionally almost from the moment he met her.  It is about a girl who was so skittish, she never let anyone get close to her.   No one.  Ever.   The plot revolves around the boy overcoming the girl’s insurmountable obstacles to help her achieve her wildest dream, True Love.   This is not a fairy tale. 

Once upon a time in a desolate land long ago, there was a girl who’d been single for twelve years.  She had told God that she would never marry again, ever, never, ever, unless He wrote in the sky, “Girl, this is the one I have for you!”  (And we all know how often THAT happens.)

Two weeks before the girl met the boy, a total stranger told the girl, “God said for me to tell that you that you will meet the one He has for you in the next two weeks.”  He also told the girl a lot of details like, “When you do meet him, don’t share that with anyone” and “You will be happier than you’ve ever been in your entire life.”  Okaaaaay.  But the girl did sit down and type up everything he told her.  Hope prevailed while common sense said, “No way.”

One day at the Nuclear Elf Factory, the girl and boy met.  The Nuclear Elf Factory frowned on office relationships, thus the “don’t tell” part the girl was told.  They met a few days before the girl’s birthday.   By this time, she had almost forgotten about what that stranger said so she wasn’t even thinking about it.  Her guard wasn’t up.  She was Unsuspecting.

The boy told the girl hello.  The boy and girl chatted in her cubicle.  It came out that he was being stalked by an evil witch who decided he would be her next husband.  He asked the girl to be his fake date to the church Valentine banquet to get this evil witch off his trail.  Of course, being the sweet girl she was (*wink wink*), the girl said yes.  She had had a stalker once, too.  It’s so nice to have things in common right off the bat!

By the time our boy and girl went to the Valentine’s Day banquet a month later, they were secretly engaged.  She had an engagement ring on a golden chain around her neck.  (Well until they told people, she couldn’t quite wear it in public now, could she?!)

Seven weeks to the day after they magically met, they were married in a small evening service. 

Eighteen years, 4 months, and 8 days ago, the girl met and fell in love with her Knight in Shining Armor.  In all these years, his armor has never tarnished.  He loves the girl so boldly and unconditionally that she sometimes wonders what’s the matter with him!  HE loves her.  He LOVES her.  He loves HER

It is so breathtaking that sometimes she sits on the porch he built her, in the rocking chair he bought her, still in awe, and thinking how good God has been to her, to bring this boy across her pathway.  And at times, when she comes across the notes she wrote after the total stranger told her the things he did, she is amazed how true everything he said was and how it all came to pass.

She truly is happier than she has ever been in her life.  Her cousin, Cinderella, had nothing on our girl when it came to drama and evil step mot… er…  talking mice? Evil cats? Singing sadly, “In my own little corner, in my own own little chair I can be whatever I want to be“? Psycho-exes?   The girl can’t even describe it sometimes because it is hard to wrap the mind around the fact that 18+ years later, he still loves her madly, passionately and completely.

More so, actually. 

In the end, faith and hope prevail and she finally gets the one thing she always wanted:  to be loved unconditionally by a hero.  And to have True Love.

Baby, thank you for 18+ years, each better than the last – for 18+ years of unbelievable love – sometimes warm and fuzzy, mostly insanely hot and passionate!  Thank you for adventures, oceans, making me the best fudge ever, snowmen, seashells, laughter, and all my wishes coming true, in you.  You are so much better than anything I could have dreamed up.

When God writes it in the sky (and He does), you can safely take a chance!

The Beginning.  There is no end in a True Love story.  It just keeps on getting better and better.

July 4th, 2012 | 20 Comments »

(Re-do of older post)

****DISCLAIMER:  Although I majored in Psychology in college, I do not profess to be an expert in anything other than myself.  Sort of, “I’m not a doctor but I play one in this blog.”  So this being a blog, don’t take anything as a professional discourse – it’s opinion and experience.****

I don’t know where I learned about the “IT girl” but I’ve known it all my life.  It’s sort of like today’s “you’re all that.”  But let me allow Wikipedia to explain (and remember, it started in 1920′s):

The term was coined by English romance novelist and screenwriter Elinor Glyn to describe actress Clara Bow as she appeared in the 1927 Hollywood silent film It.  In the introduction to the film Glyn described the term thus:

IT” is that quality possessed by some which draws all others with its magnetic force. With “IT” you win all men if you are a woman—and all women if you are a man. “IT” can be a quality of the mind as well as a physical attraction.[1]  AND

Self-confidence and indifference whether you are pleasing or not—and something in you that gives the impression that you are not at all cold. That’s “IT“. [1]

Owing to Glyn’s widely publicized pronouncement, the term It Girl entered the cultural lexicon.  Bow’s contemporary and friend, the actress Louise Brooks was also widely described as an “It Girl“, especially retrospectively. 

Andy Warhol‘s muse, Edie Sedgwick, was dubbed the It Girl in the ’60′s.

We’ve all known someone who just drew people to themselves like magnets.  There was an indescribable quality about them that made you feel good and enjoy being in their presence.  It has nothing to do with money, clothes, or things.  It has everything to do with confidence and liking yourself (or seeming to since I think Edie Sedgwick died of “acute barbiturate intoxication” in 1971 so obviously didn’t have it all together).

I want to talk about the real-deal.  The IT girl that resides inside all of us.  The only person we really have to please:  ourself.  I don’t include God and mates right now because those are complementary areas that can be dealt with later. 

When we have no confidence in ourselves, in who we are, it shows.  It comes out in so many different ways, I can’t begin to catalog them all here. 

Sometimes it is in overeating and sometimes accumulating stuff and things.  Sometimes it becomes drug or alcohol addiction.  Sometimes in is indiscriminate sexual promiscuity (although how you could tell that nowadays, I’m not sure).  Sometimes it manifests in hating everything about ourselves to the point we can no longer see anything good in and about ourselves. 

IT – that quality of mind that draws.  Do you realize that most of the people we enjoy being around really LIKE themselves?  It isn’t because they are a perfect size or body type.  It isn’t the perfect hair or face.  It is as simple for them as looking in the mirror and saying, “I like this person I’m looking at.”  

We all have self-worth.  Sometimes people mistakenly interchange the word self-esteem with self-worth – but we are all WORTH something.  Self-esteem, on the other hand, is something that can change; it can become battered and bruised through life experiences and other people’s opinions (OPO).

The experience of OPO may be something we take to heart and use to define who we think we are – a big nothing.  It is like in a relationship where a boyfriend doesn’t want you and dumps you.  Instead of thinking, “his loss” we think, “What is the matter with ME?”

There was a time, during my earlier ”before Alpha Hubby” days, that I discovered I was valuable and precious – special.  I may be great only to myself (and God) but I learned I was a pretty doggoned neat person in spite of OPO.  In that knowledge, I learned to use “talk to the hand” (figuratively) - if someone did not view or treat me as valuable and precious, they no longer deserved or had access to my life space.   See ya!

I learned that NO ONE has a right to treat me badly or make me feel less than good about myself.  I learned that if they didn’t want me, BIG HAIRY DEAL.  Sure, it hurt, but it no longer defined me, especially as a loser.  I learned to move on.

No matter what we look like, no matter how much we weigh, no matter who likes or doesn’t like us, no matter WHAT – we are all IT girls and have a right to be treated that way.  NO ONE has the right to treat you badly and as less than OK.  NO ONE NO ONE NO ONE.  Not a parent, not a significant other, not a friend.  NO ONE, OK?

To all of you who follow this blog, please take a minute and look in the mirror and say to yourself, “YOU are an IT girl, and don’t you forget it!”  Then sing to yourself – “You are so beautiful to me!”  So what if everyone around you thinks you are bonkers?  You are an IT Girl.  It’s OK!!

It’s Independence Day here in America.  It’s Independence Day all over the world for IT Girls.  Be free to be yourself.  Be free to love yourself.  Be free to enjoy yourself.  Be free to say, “I am an IT Girl and I AM ALL THAT!”