I just read this really good post over at Aesha Online pointing out how few people go into marriage with “forever” in mind. Go check it out – it’s a great post!
Anyway, it got me to thinking about – who else? Alpha Hubby and forever. Many of you know I waited twelve (12!) l-o-o-o-n-g, celibate years for Alpha Hubby. I wasn’t about to give it up for anything less than forever (and AFTER the wedding). I’d made a vow to myself.
And as you know we M*A*G*I*C*A*L*L*Y married 7 weeks later… NOT. Oh, we did get married 7 weeks later but there wasn’t anything magicical about it. Well, I lie. The part where Alpha Hubby and Alpha Son made vows as father and son was pretty awesome and I cried. But I was shaking in my heels. I was so a-feart! Sure, I believe God put us together but that doesn’t mean hoards of past memories didn’t rise up and try to overtake me. I was almost ready to walk away.
Now fast forward 17.7 years later and I scoff – scoff, I tell you – at my fear. How was I to know that God actually knew what He was doing? I know! Alpha Hubby is truly my prince – my knight in shining armor – my first and last and only true love. He wasn’t even a frog in disguise. He is what he was then, only better now. And boy, am I glad.
We made a committment the day we married. We were in this forever (or else). We didn’t leave any loopholes where we (he) could squirm out. But I still remember when we were first married I’d say things like, “If you ever cheat on me, that’s it. I’m outta here.” He’d agree that this sounded reasonable. Of course that was fear talking.
About eight months into the marriage, all that drastically changed. We knew one another better. We (I) developed more trust. We were positive divine intervention had put us together. He came up to me one day and said, “I changed my mind. If you ever cheat, I will hunt you down. I will take you out. We’re in this together, forever.” How cute! My husband was going to be stalking me! All in the name of love. Awwww.
Hmm. Something tells me finding that romantic is wrong somehow. But by golly, if loving him for that is wrong, I don’t wanna be right. (Snicker)
So now I know that when you make a committment with no loopholes, even when that burning heart means indigestion rather than passion, you are committed to one another (and will find that passion again). It means a security that can’t be developed any other way. It means you work together, facing the world hand in hand, ready to take on monsters and bury them. He slays dragons regularly for us. I protect our intimacy.
We can fight without fear but we hate fighting so work hard not to. No loopholes means we can fight without that “Uh oh, we’re heading for divorce” feeling. It means “OK, let’s find a way around this difference.” After some door slamming, cup throwing, immature actions (me) and sulking, brooding quietness (him). THEN we work on the differences to create an equitably suitable and agreeable compromise…
I’m right and he’s wrong. The end.
He has NO choice.
Heh. Heh. Heh.
Suck up time: Baby? Tonight? In the bedroom? Candles? Romantic music? Clothing optional?
*Actual note written last night on paper towel.