Romancing in Real Life

March 1st, 2015

Tango wet cropped

It’s kind of funny to feel like a very romantic couple, to post little tidbits of romance like you know what you’re talking about, to be held up as a standard by some, to be told “you guys help me know what real love is” – and then to have nothing to say during the “romance month”!  It’s like (*horrors*) – I have no romance left in me!

Say it ain’t so, Joe!!

Well, first of all, my name is not Joe, it’s Nan. But OK, it ain’t so. Truth is, Alpha Hubby is out of town and I’m just blech. Meh. Missing him.

woman screaming

And then sometimes I think people just have to be tired of me talking about our affair or romantic things I’ve learned.  You know? Like “GAG ME?” meant both ways?  As in, “Look Nan, gag me! I’m puke sick of reading about you-you-you” or “Put a gag on Nan, you’re boring me!”

Lately it seems difficult to find things “romantic” to apply to our marriage, things romance-related.  To find something DIFFERENT  that is romantic.  You know like all the magazines suggest, “Keep your sex life and the romance kindled and hot-hot-hot!”  Blech.  We are limited in choices.

couple, bored

Bored Couple

Those people in that pix don’t live in the boonies.  Living in the boonies means you can’t dress up and go to the opera.  You can’t take a carriage ride.  You can’t even find an up-scale restaurant right around the corner…

…(you know, the kind with linen tablecloths and CLOTH napkins, real silver, candles, and waiters that DO NOT introduce themselves to you with a, “Hello, my name is Bubba and I’ll be your waiter tonight and since I’m working so I can buy a big gun for deer camp and really need the money for my jacked up truck, I am going to interrupt you many, many times tonight to make sure you know I’m here and will leave a good tip.”).

pumpkin carriage

You get the picture.  We have no place to go unless we want to go to the movies or we want to drive over an hour plus to get to a nice restaurant… which sort of stifles the romance when you also have to drive back home late at night without a limo and chauffeur so you can mess around in the back seat.

The lack of choices produces an unbearable ennui sometimes. Sometimes the most exciting thing in the boonies is to watch the bug zapper in the back yard.  OK, OK, I know, grossssss. It is so exhausting to search for different ways to be romantic.  It means you have to THINK.

It is so bad that before Valentine’s Day I asked Alpha Hubby, “What are we going to do for Valentine’s Day?”

He says, “I don’t know.  What do you have in mind?”

I say, ‘I got nothing. I’m not sure I want to do anything.  I mean, I don’t want to waste money when there are so many places we can’t eat.  And I don’t want us to spend money on each other. You KNOW what happened that *time you tried to get me flowers.”

Growl. He says, “Yeah, yeah, $11,000 flowers. ”

Then I began whining, “Oh my gosh is the romance dead here?  Have we finally lost the honeymoon period after 20 years?  Are we doooomed?”

He snickered, “Drama Queen.  We could go to the Swiss restaurant if you want.  I would be glad to take you if you want to go.”

I reply, “Ugh.  It’s okay but it is really not a romantic restaurant.”

He says, “Well, it’s just a thought.  At least I thought of something.”

I say, “I can pick up something and bring it home so we can eat here, on our beautiful table (that he made me), with candles and such.”  (Altho truth tell I am thinking, “That is not romantic.

He says, “No, that’s work on you and not romantic.”

Silence ensures.

I say, “Well, fine then.  Then we’ll do the usual.  Just come home, candles, share a glass, romantic music, maybe dance a little, and then, of course, have wild, hawt sex.”

He says, “Works for me.”

And they say romance is dead!

heart cc Flickr photo seyed mostafa zamani

*********************

*He’d pulled into the Wal*art parking lot in his Hummer to get me flowers. The front end of the Hummer made it hard to see low to the ground in front of it. He was looking for a parking place easy to get into and turned left at the end of the parking row. BANG! He hit the concrete that was wrapped around the light pole. It was hard to see it.  It cost $11,000 in repairs to fix the front end. He vowed never to go to Wal*mart again.

Barbie, Ken and GI Joe: Truth Comes Out

February 17th, 2015

Oh so very long ago, like most women, I was drawn to the classic… bad boy.  It started when I was in high school and found out the really cute leather-jacket-wearing dude liked me.  Nothing ever happened with that but still.  I remember thinking how cool it was that THE James Dean-bad boy in school liked me.  So shoot me, I was young.

James Dean

James Dean

Don’t know what made him the bad boy – the leather jacket?  The tousled hair?  He was probably a perfectly normal guy who’d been put in the bad boy clique simply because of that leather jacket.  That just wasn’t done back then when we still had rules about how short our skirts could be.

Doesn’t matter – my point is that women seem to be trained to be drawn to the bad boy and to scoff at the good one.  The good one is boring and the bad one… wowzers.   Is it that the good guy is known and bland?  Is it that the bad guy was forbidden and exciting?  The good guy a wuss and the bad guy the manly man?  Were we young and stupid? Well yes, but…

barbie ken gi joe

Ken Barbie GI Joe

Could it be as simple as this hysterical 1996 Nissan television commercial – that sums it all up just fine: Barbie, Ken & GI Joe:

Poor Ken-wannabe. So helpless in his sweater around the neck, buffed nails and plastic-coifed hair way.   Can’t keep his woman.  How can he compete against a guy who came out of the jaws of a dinosaur?  A manly man?  Just looking at Ken you’d think, “That wuss!  He couldn’t protect me against a herd of baseballs!”  (Private joke)

In this case I think GI Joe seemed to represent excitement.  He exuded confidence and strength. She thinks he can take care of her AND thrill her.

By the time I met Alpha Hubby at work, I’d had my gut full of bad boys and was NOT interested in going that route again.  I did not plan to ever marry again much less trust my heart to any guy, bad or good.

And here was Alpha Hubby – he was such a nice guy – an engineer working at the nuclear plant, raising healthy beef on the side, very precise and, ummm, shall we say – anal??  Good with attention to details – which is really nice when applied to some situations like… *ahem* …be that as it may…

He was a nice guy and so nice to me – can you imagine that?  Like that was a sin or something?  Being nice to me?  I even told him – now remember we’d only known one another 7 weeks before we got married so we didn’t know one another THAT well.  But while we didn’t know each other’s favorite type movie or food choices, we knew one another’s heart.  So I told him, truthfully, that I’d never dated a nice guy before and wasn’t sure how I’d handle it.

I love looking back and remembering some of the dog-goned stupid things I said to him back then.  All in the name of protecting my heart from being crushed again.  Duh duh duh du-mb.

Leland Closeup cropped lightened

Stop taking my picture!!

So after we married, we spent many nights sitting up and talking, to get to know one another.  The more we talked, the more I realized I’d not married a nice guy after all; I had married a reformed bad boy.

It’s kind of funny because he was probably a bad, bad boy but he swears to me, like Jessica Rabbit in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit”:  “I’m not bad.  I’m just drawn that way.”

Jessica Rabbit

Jessica Rabbit

I have the benefit now of a bit of wisdom that can come with time passing – there is the fact that there are no real bad boys or good boys.  There are simply men and males.  A Man. A Male.

gangster crop

Gangster Type

Males take no responsibility, cheat and who are all about “me first” running at the first sign of trouble.  No way a male will help around the house or take on the tough jobs (like dealing with bill collectors).  Males get their confidence by the number of notches on their bedpost.  Males couldn’t care less how badly they treat their women because women don’t matter; there’s always another one.  Males believe women are only useful for one thing.

firefighter

Hero Type

A man is the total opposite to the point he is honorable in a world that has forgotten what that word means.  A man will put his family and loved ones first, protecting to the point of death.  A man knows the woman is capable and can take care of herself, and like that about her.  A man will walk in integrity and his word is always good.  A man takes responsibility for their actions and you can trust your life – and heart – with a real man.

man's hands with heart

I married a real man.  There is security in what he calls “predictable”.  He doesn’t have his nails polished (mainly because after work, he’s mucking with cows and bulls), and fights me tooth and nail about protecting his skin from the sun.   He doesn’t have an feminine side – he tells me I am his only feminine side and that’s that.   I can tell him and tell him that I’d love him in a cowboy hat but no.  Not yet, anyway.

John Wayne

John Wayne

He is all man, believes in God, America,  true love, hard work, and honesty.  He’s not John Wayne – what most people think of as manly but who actually played some very chavunistic characters.  Alpha Hubby isn’t a man’s man, per se; he’s just my man.  He is masculine to the point that it doesn’t take much to push him over into the over-dominating stage; but he doesn’t scare me.  He may be an alpha and growl at me sometimes, but he would never hurt me.

So in a world where the choice is Ken or GI Joe?  Give me a GI Joe anytime!  Nah, forget that, give me Alpha Hubby.  He’s gifted to be my mate. He’s GI Joe enough for me!

His Proposal

February 14th, 2015

(If the music bugs, go down on right side and pause it in player. Any song mentioned specifically in a blog is moved from the top to the bottom of the list when a new blog is posted. In case you want to hear it with the blog post it goes with, check there.)

LoveDiamonds crop

Alpha Hubby truly is a Gift.  People don’t believe that people can be “made for one another” – but they can.

But, to keep it that way, you have to protect that Gift.  You have to cherish it and never allow it to tarnish.  You can’t allow the every-day-ness of life to steal the preciousness of the Gift.  You have to appreciate that Gift.  Keep the flame burning bright and hot for one another.

As I said in my last post, I still remember exactly how I felt and where I was when I had my Scarlett O’Hara drama queen moment of swearing never to marry again.  When God answered my unasked hidden desire, He sent someone who managed to waltz past all the barriers I’d constructed.  How did He know this man would be so perfect for me? I often ponder that.

love conquers all

A couple of weeks after I met Alpha Hubby, there was an evening after I got off work, before I pulled out of the parking lot, that I felt this – a knowing, if you will – to go to Ha*mark and pick out a card that said “I love you.”  I didn’t want to do this simply because to go to the shopping mall was WAY out of my way.  But it was a very strong feeling so I did it.

I took the card home, signed it and dated it, then put it in my dresser drawer for some future date when I might need it.

boy girl kiss

That evening, I was sitting in my chair in the living room reading.  The chair faced the outside door so I could see when Alpha Hubby got to my house that evening.  I glanced up as he walked in the door.  Looking straight into my eyes, he walked over to me, kneeled down in front of my chair, took the book out of my hand and set it aside, took one of my hands into his, placed his other hand, palm on my cheek…

…then asked, “Will you marry me?”

I replied, “Yes”

He looked so stunned when he replied, “Really??”

I said, “Yes, really”

He stuttered, “But… well… um… you love me?  You will marry me?”

I replied, “Yes.”

“Really.  You want to marry me.”

Yes, gentle readers, I’m sure by now you’re wondering if he was trying to talk me out of marriage.  He was feeling a bit insecure (completely unusual for him) at that moment because, as he later told me, he was NOT planning to propose that evening.  He just walked into my house and… did.  He was probably freaking because we’d only been “together” for about 3 weeks by that time.  Yes, three, 3, trois, drei, tre, три, AND tres.  Three.

I could tell he didn’t believe me, so I said, “Wait a minute.”

I got up and went into the bedroom, pulled the card out of the drawer, took it back into the living room, and handed it to him.  I could tell he wondered why I was handing him a card in the middle of “THE” most intense moment in his life, but he took it.

Valentine day postcard

After he opened it, read it, and was looking a little shell-shocked, I said to him, “Now I believe God had me pick that card out so that when this moment came, you would KNOW I mean it and that He really is in this.”

I told him how I felt I needed to pick that card up that day without delay, but that I had no idea I would need it for that evening.  It wasn’t until then that he truly believed me.  It was one of those goose-bumpy moments (we have a lot of them in our relationship).

Seven weeks after we met at the office, we married on March 4th, believing we would be marching forth (march 4th, get it??) into something miraculous and amazing.  It has been.  Truly miraculous and amazing.  Even 20 years,  11 months, 10 days later.

dream clouds

Baby, you were my dream – what I never thought could be reality in my life. You were my knight in shining armour. You were my heart’s desire. How could I not have said yes?

You gave your love away
And I’m thankful everyday
Can’t find the words to say
Thank you for the gift

Cherish The Gift you have in your mate.  They truly are a Gift.  I know life can seem to steal the wonder of what you felt when you first met but it is important to protect what you have in each other. Everything in the world will try to attack your togetherness. Do not allow that. Ever.

Remind yourself why you fell for them, why you married them, why you wanted them above all others. Work to keep the intimacy, practice it every day.  Never forget they came first, above all others things if your life.

Tell them you love them, constantly, daily, hourly, often.  Life is too short for you not to always appreciate this Gift you loved so fiercely that you married them.

Now if you will excuse me, I have an Alpha to seduce.

heart arrow

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

An Honest to Goodness Love Story

February 10th, 2015

In honor of Valentines Day 2015, this month I am either writing new or posting old love stories about Alpha Hubby’s and my relationship. Read at your own risk. No gagging allowed. As usual, if the music bugs, go to right bar and pause!

Once upon a time book cover

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

This is a Love Story.  This is the story about a girl who met a boy who loved the girl completely, totally, unconditionally almost from the moment he met her.

It is about a girl who was so skittish, she never let anyone get close to her.   No one.  Ever.   Not even girlfriends who “thought” they knew her.

The plot revolves around the boy overcoming the girl’s insurmountable obstacles to help her achieve her wildest dream, True Love.   This is not a fairy tale.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Once Upon a Time in a desolate land long ago, there was a girl who had been single for twelve years.  Years before she had told God that she would never marry again, ever, never, ever, unless He wrote in the sky, “Girl, this is the one I have for you!”  (And we all know how often THAT happens.)

word love skywrite

Two weeks before the girl met the boy, a total stranger told the girl, “God said for me to tell that you that you will meet the one He has for you in the next two weeks.”  He also told the girl a lot of details like, “When you do meet him, don’t share that with anyone” and “You will be happier than you’ve ever been in your entire life.”

Okaaaaay.  But the girl did sit down and type up everything he told her.  Hope prevailed while common sense stated, “No way.”

One day at the Nuclear Elf Factory, the girl and boy met.  The Nuclear Elf Factory frowned on office relationships, thus the “don’t tell” part the girl was told.  They met a few days before the girl’s birthday.   By this time, she had almost forgotten about what that stranger said so she wasn’t even thinking about it.  Her guard wasn’t up.  She was Unsuspecting.

The boy told the girl hello.  The boy and girl chatted in her cubicle.  It came out that he was being stalked by an evil witch who decided he would be her next husband.  He asked the girl to be his fake date to his church Valentine banquet to get this evil witch off his trail.  Of course, being the sweet girl she was (*wink wink*), the girl said yes.  She had had a stalker once, too.  It’s so nice to have things in common right off the bat!

ring gold chain

By the time our boy and girl went to the Valentine’s Day banquet a month later, they were secretly engaged.  She had an engagement ring on a golden chain around her neck.  (Well, until they told people, she couldn’t quite wear it in public now, could she?!)

Seven weeks to the day after they magically met, they were married in a small evening service with only parents to witness the union. Well, along with a small boy who had his own ceremony with the amazing Knight in Shining Armor.

Twenty years, 11 months, 6 days ago, the girl met and fell in love with her Knight.  In all these years, his armor has never tarnished.  He loves the girl so boldly and unconditionally that she sometimes wonders what’s the matter with him!  HE loves her.  He LOVES her.  He loves HER

Two bound hearts

It is so breathtaking that sometimes she sits on the porch he built her, in the rocking chair he bought her, still in awe, and thinking how good God has been to her, to bring this boy across her pathway. Occasionally, when she comes across the notes she wrote after the total stranger told her the things he did, she is amazed how true everything he said was and how it all came to pass.

She truly is happier than she has ever been in her life.  Her cousin, Cinderella, had nothing on our girl when it came to drama and evil step-mot… um…  talking mice? Evil cats? Singing sadly, “In my own little corner, in my own own little chair I can be whatever I want to be“? Psycho-exes?

The girl can’t even describe it sometimes because it is hard to wrap the mind around the fact that 20 years, 11 months, 6 days later, he still loves her madly, passionately and completely.

More so, actually.

Interlinking Skywriting Hearts

In the end, faith and hope prevail and she finally gets the one thing she always wanted:  to be loved unconditionally by a Hero.  And to have True Love.

Baby, thank you for 20 years, 11 months, 6 days, each better than the last – for 20 years, 11 months, 6 days of unbelievable love – sometimes warm and fuzzy, mostly insanely hot and passionate!  Thank you for adventures, oceans, making me the best fudge ever, snowmen, seashells, laughter, and all my wishes coming true, in you.  You are so much better than anything I could have dreamed up.

When God writes it in the sky (and He does), you can safely take a chance!  Don’t settle. Wait until you have your true heart’s desire.

The Beginning.

There is no end in a True Love story.  Every day is a new opportunity to keep the love fresh, vibrant, precious, a beginning, a fresh slate.  It just keeps on getting better and better.

Love: An Obsession

February 5th, 2015

I’m sure you’re wondering where this title came from.  You ARE out there and wondering, aren’t you?

*ribbit ribbit*

Well, just in case, let me ‘splain.  It’s like this:  when I met Alpha Hubby, I had some… shall we say… botherations?  Cans of worms?  Issues?  Oh, OK.  Let’s just say I had an entire matched set of Louis Vuitton luggage, packed full.  Baggage, baby, baggage.

luggage set

Louis Vuitton Set

During our 7 week “getting to know you” marathon before we married, I remember saying to him, “Listen, I hope you’re not expecting me to be joined at the hip – one of those women who can’t go anywhere without their husbands.  I need my space.  I need the freedom that, if I want to go off for a weekend and visit my friends out of state, I am free to do so.”

I was extremely nervous about getting married.  I didn’t want to become property.  I didn’t want to lose my independence and freedom.  I didn’t want to become a “Mrs. Anything” (hey, I SAID I had baggage).

I pretty much wanted to “protect” myself.  From what, I don’t know since all my inner demons were based on past history and experience, not current events.

hockey mask

After we married, I remember a highly volatile heated deeply intellectual discussion we had about cheating.  I told him flat out, “If you ever cheat on me, you can book it, I will be gone.  That’s it.  I am not going to put up with that.”  He agreed.

Flash ahead several months.  As I gained confidence that he really wasn’t an axe murderer, and learned how solid and honorable his character was (and that he is also A Character), I realized what a complete and total gem I had.  I knew if I hooked myself up with his good name, I would be just fine.  I learned he could be trusted and he just got better and better as I got to know him.

So we went back and visited our deeply intelligent conversation about cheating again.  He said to me, “You remember when we had that talk about cheating and we said that would be it – we’d be outta here?”

Me: “Uh, yeah?”

Alpha Hubby:  “Well, I’ve changed my mind.  I will hunt you down.  You will not get away.”

Me:  “Aren’t you being a little obsessive?”

Alpha Hubby:  “You say that like it’s a bad thing or something.”

Me:  “Well, alrighty then.”  (Oh, who am I kidding:  I loved it.)

He isn’t serious in the sense of evil and scary or stalking and “every breath you take I will be watching you” way.   It’s just playing around – creating fun memories and great one-liners that have stuck with us over the years.  His Alpha is very real, but his chest-beating is all in good fun.  Mostly.

He has an warped off the wall weird strange sick unbelievable amazing humor.  It also goes back to the big mistake I made by explaining to him that he was an Alpha. There are times I wish I’d never explained to him what an Alpha Male (man) was (just kidding, baby) – he had NO idea he was one.  And I had no idea we’d become an alpha pair when we married.

A blog post HERE chats about the traits of alphas (male and female) and the mistake I made with Alpha Hubby.

Once he learned what alpha meant and that he really had all the characteristics and traits of a pack leader, he became very difficult interesting to live with.  My Alpha Hubby is a chest beating, roaring alpha wolf.  I’ve never had so much fun.

alpha female

The Alpha Female

That old worried about being “joined at the hip” thing?  It’s history.  But he hasn’t let me forget it.  That whole, “I’m independent and need my freedom?”  Cause for much laughter.  This guy supports my dreams, hopes and wishes, and believes in me.  He wants me to succeed and be happy, and gives me everything I need to do that.

I think it is safe to say that all my baggage is unpacked and safely put away.  Who knew a nice little obsession could create a paradigm shift.  We had a revolution in our marriage  – a transformation, a sort of metamorphosis, if you will.  We had a complete change of form: we went from two separate entities to one.  We became one.

It’s nice being pursued.  It’s nice being obsessed over (in a healthy, nice way).  It’s nice to be loved so unconditionally that if you stop and think about it, it takes your breath away.  (Hmmm, if I am breathless, does that mean he won’t be watching me?)

Hear the roar, baby!

lion