The Power of Touch

September 16th, 2014
Hand holding

Magic of Hand Holding

Something I learned early on in my marriage to Alpha Hubby (and applies to almost all couples) is that we had to learn one another.
He had to learn how to be my husband, learn what turned me
on, learn what melted me, and learned what triggered an apocalyptic meltdown in the house.

chocolate and wine

chocolate and wine

We had to learn what created the right romantic atmosphere and how to accomplish that for one another.

Of course we both have separate things that do that – and it is important to learn what each considers romance.  Him changing my oil or adding Freon feels protective-good but that is not romance in my eyes.  In his eyes, yes.  It is.  He is showing me he loves me.  Trying to get him to understand the difference between knowing he loves me and romancing me has been a Alpha-sized chore, for sure.

nighties

Fun!

Obviously, I had the same things to learn about him.  All the love notes in the world will make him smile but he’d rather have a rendezvous set up just for him.  He LIKES rendezvous.  Very much so.  He wants full out makeup, sexy clothing (not necessarily nighties) and stockings with heels.  Then again, he’s not picky – I’m not sure he sees much past the heels and makeup.

Not everything works for every one.  Those “How to Seduce Him in 30 Seconds” magazine articles are good for ideas but those are not more important than sitting down and *gasp* talking to one another.  Ask very specific questions.  People are like children in the sense that you should not ask “yes-no” questions.

questions

Questions

You ask a child, wanting details, “Did you have a good day at school today?”  He will answer, “Yes” and go on his merry way.  Or “What did you learn at school today?”  Answer:  “Nothing” – ugh.

Details.  Be specific:  “What did you think about the new room mascot, Rudy the Rat?”  “Oh, mom! He was so cool and I got to hold him.”  See?  Details.

So saying, “Do you like romantic gestures” gets the Alpha Grunt, “Sure” and is a waste of time.  Specifics are necessary.  And help them with the answers, too.

love napkin

love napkin

“Alpha Hubby, what do you want me to do to turn you on, make the bedroom/living room/kitchen floor-counter-wall experience better for you?  HOW can I make your love life better?”

Then PAY ATTENTION to his answers, jot them down so you don’t forget, and plan your seduction around that.

MORE importantly?  Do this often.  People change, new ideas pop up, and in order to keep it fresh and alive, your love life will need fuel on the embers.  Never assume.  Always ask, and often.

touching

touching with purpose

And never, ever, ever underestimate the power of touch.  Touch is a Language that often speaks louder than words.  Touch can say “You are safe with me” or “You can trust me with your heart.”  The Language of Touch is especially important in a sexual relationship… that silky slide across the skin leaving warm tingles behind.

seduction

seductive touch

There may only be that one FIRST touch, where fingers bump, glide toward one another and clasp together in nervous excitement, but the touch that becomes familiar is warm like oozing honey, slowly running over your body.  Yes, the sexual relationship needs touch.

Touch one another often.  Rub his jaw, a hand up his thigh, touch his back.   Run a light rub down his arm, specially in public.  Constantly be aware of one another; touch helps with this.

touch

Touch

And men?  Two things.  Touch without hidden motives.  Don’t make her think that your touch is only for sex.  Touch may lead to sex but trust me.  It is those touches outside the bedroom – those non-foreplay touches – that will get you there faster than playing Russian Hands and Roman Fingers.  If she thinks you only touch her for one purpose, it will diminish your relationship, just a bit.

Most of us women need that unexpected touch – the palm to the cheek, the touch on the hair, the rub down the arm, the pat on the bootie for no reason as you walk by.  It makes us feel precious to you.  (And ladies?  Touch goes both ways.  Men don’t necessarily want to feel precious to you when you touch – they want to know that you WANT them, desire them, need them.  Yes, THAT way. Remember how to make them feel like The Sex Meister*?)

touch hands

Light touch

Secondly men, taking her hand while you’re walking about (or sitting around) is one of the most important things you can do.  There is nothing that makes a woman feel more cherished, special, giddy (oh shut up ladies, you know you love it) than for you to reach down and grab her fingers, and hold on.  Hold on like she is THE most precious thing to you.  Especially at a party where Ms. Sally Office Skank is strutting her stuff around flirting with the men… HOLD ON to her hand so she knows you know Ms. SOS ain’t all that!

Touching hands is important.  Hands are probably THE most important…

touching feet

Touching

OH, OKAY – FEET.  Feet are important, too.

Just touch already!!

.

*meister – denoting a person regarded as skilled or prominent in a specified area of activity  Heh heh heh

Gone in Sixty Seconds

August 16th, 2014
Stop sign

Road to Nowhere

It isn’t a sabbatical.  It isn’t quitting.  It isn’t taking time off.

What it is?  I don’t know.  All I know is that this isn’t fun anymore.

Busy Times Square

Busy Times Square

Life is too short and too busy to do something that doesn’t bring you joy so I’m outta here.

It may be permanently and it may not.  I have no idea.  I just know I don’t want to write about my love affair with Alpha Hubby and I don’t wanna talk about the cows or anything else, for that matter.

I am going to live it.

I have some of this to do

stomach tape

Contemplating My Belly Button

And playing!

Josh Sandals

Play

And this:

Once upon a time

Time to Finish the Books

And some of this:

Relaxing tea time

Relaxing with Tea

And this:

tea time with God

Time With God

And for sure this:

daydream

Daydreaming

I will be doing a lot of this:

Exercising

Exercising

This:

cookies tempt

Making right food choices

and doing plenty of this:

water with lemon

Drinking My Lemon Water

And this:

wolf and red

Hanging with Alpha Hubby

Doing this:

dancing children

Dancing with Alpha Hubby

And this:

Pool

Swimming with Alpha Hubby

And most of all:

couple in bed

None of your bee’s wax

The older posts will be available AFTER I fix the mess up – AGAIN.

Thank you for sharing your lives with me and for those who commented, I love you guys and appreciate the support you gave me over the years.

How bad is YOUR bad? Let it go.

August 12th, 2014

I’m going to change things up a wee bit today.  Several things happened recently that filled me with such gratitude, love, and just an all ’round joy at being alive, living in this time, and living the life I am living.  I plan to do this every once in a while from now on.  It is deeper than my other posts.  Some will agree with it.  Some won’t.  Doesn’t matter.  This is me.

Except for “Hallelujah” the first few songs on the player are by Clint Brown, pastor of Judah Church in Florida.  Clint has written and recorded thousands of praise and worship songs over the years.  He has an unbelievably powerful voice and most of his music is very contemporary, jazzy, bluesy, fonk, whatever.  Not what might be considered normal churchy music.  If you want a worship CD that will fill your house with peace, order his “In His Presence 2” CD.  Not 1, two (2).

Those who enjoy this type music, enjoy.  The rest of you can just pause the player!

***********

Years ago while struggling with some issues and dealing with letting go, I came across this story about Marie Balter.  It struck me so powerfully that it changed my attitude and my life.  This post comes from several sources.

***********

Marie Balter memorial

Marie Balter Memorial
Click to enlarge and read

In 1935 when Marie Balter was a 5-year-old named Pat, her unmarried alcoholic mother turned her (though not her older and younger sisters) over to a foster home unknowingly run by a sadistic couple.  The couple adopted Pat and changed her name to Marie.  They were physically and emotionally abusive toward her.  She would be locked in a dim cellar, and often tortured.

At 14 she was removed, at her own request and on the recommendation of a social worker, to St. Therese’s Home for Girls, and she lived for much of the next couple of decades in one institution after another: a home for indigent women, the psychiatric ward of a general hospital, finally a State Hospital.

Marie developed severe anxiety (panic disorder) and psychotic depression early in her life.  At the age of seventeen she was paralyzed from depression to the point it caused muscle spasms, choking, hyperventilation, and asthma attacks so intense she developed hallucinations.  She was institutionalized in 1947 and was misdiagnosed as having schizophrenia.

She was placed on near lethal doses of an experimental anti-psychotic drug, which only served to exacerbate her mental and emotional condition.  At one time she weighed only eighty-eight pounds.  She was locked away and written off as a hopeless case.

For eight years she was shuttled from one ward to another, depending on the severity of her symptoms.  She endured shock treatments.  At the very depth of her psychosis, she states that “From a curled-up position of catatonic silence on her hospital bed, she could still see herself:  I looked at myself and said, ‘No more. I can’t go on this way anymore if I ever want to get out of here, if I ever want to get better.'”

She relied on her deep faith in God and the positive relationships she made with some of the staff members and patients at the state hospital. There was a doctor at the hospital who saw potential in her and would not give up.  Her recovery was painful and gradual, as she overcame a despair that often left her unable to eat or move. She contemplated suicide more than once.

After more than thirty-two years of hell on earth, Marie Balter was released into the world… to begin her real life.

With the support of a widening circle of friends, Balter gradually built herself a productive and satisfying life, graduating from college and marrying a man she had worked with in the rehabilitation workshop whom she called the love of her life.  Even cancer of the bladder and later her husband’s early death could not overwhelm her: “This time,” she reported, “I survive.”

Did she spend her freedom holding a grudge or sue the hospital for misdiagnosing her problem?  Focus on what her mother did to her?  The abusive foster parents?  Be mad at God?  No, at the age of thirty-seven, she entered college as a freshman and earned a degree in psychology.  She returned to the hospital where she had been a patient all those years and worked as a social worker.

Making good on a promise that she made to God that she would dedicate her life to working with the mentally ill, Marie then returned to school and earned a master’s degree from Harvard University.  She later founded the Balter Institute where she hoped that her patient-led idea of mental healthcare would continue.

Marie Balter let go of the negative past without a retaliatory spirit.  She let it go and was able to grow from being “Nobody’s Child” (title to one of her books) to becoming everybody’s helper.

In her own words, ”I wouldn’t have grown one bit if I didn’t learn to forgive.  If you don’t forgive your parents or your children or those who hurt you, or even yourself you don’t ever get beyond that anger.

“Forgiving is a way of reaching out from a bad past and heading out to a more positive future.”

***********

Are there areas in your life where you are holding a grudge?  Focusing on that past can be holding you back from fulfilling your dreams.  Why?  Because you are looking backward instead of forward!  That past will trip you up, baby.  Let it go.

It really is true – holding a grudge holds a grudge on you, not the other person.  Forgiveness sets you, y-o-u, free.  Holding on ties you to the past.  Let it go.  You decide who gets to dictate your present and your future.

Let it go.

http://articles.latimes.com/1991-06-02/books/bk-229_1_marie-balter

Goodby to the Mental Ward : NOBODY’S CHILD: The Marie Balter Story, By Marie Balter and Richard Katz (Addison-Wesley

New York Times, http://www.nytimes.com/1988/11/27/us/ex-patient-is-state-hospital-official.html

http://drroycejalazo.com/marie-balter/

Relaxing Ditty

August 10th, 2014

 

RELAXING DITTY

The time of sitting
has come and gone
I must get up
as the sun with dawn
and put my life
into order –
and yet
I think I’d rather
just dream and sit!
Poem Copyright © 1977 Nan C.

Soap Opera Life

August 10th, 2014

SOAP OPERA LIFE

They say
life is not like a soap opera —
those fables on TV
of fantasy, great wealth,
excessive cheating,
murder, and greed,
with lives that seem too ridiculously
dramatic
to ever be real.

And yet –
someone had to tell me
that he was caught
with another woman
by
his pregnant girlfriend
who doesn’t know
he’s married to me
and not
divorced

Who says life isn’t like a soap opera?

Poem Copyright © 2007 Nan C.

Snake in the Woodpile

August 10th, 2014

SNAKE IN THE WOODPILE

I used to think the worst
snake in the woodpile
was the one my dad killed
when I was a little girl,
playing on a stack of firewood
It was a bold memory that never
left me

I still see myself dancing
and hopping around
squealing
“kill it, daddy, kill it!”

Fear is a strong memory
making that snake the worst
there was in my life
Until you.

I found there are worse
snakes in woodpiles
than copperheads and rattle snakes
and things that go bump in the night
when I met
you.

Poem Copyright © 1976 Nan C

Crazy Love

August 10th, 2014

CRAZY LOVE

Baby, baby!
What am I to do?
You’ve so captured
my emotions
that I’m crazy over you.

Maybe if I
discovered that
you are a axe murderer,
I could get over you –
but
somehow,
I doubt it!

Poem Copyright ©2009 Nan C.

Protecting Love

August 10th, 2014

 

 

Protecting Love

when two people fall in love
they always know what to do to please one another.
but as they grow forward together,
they grow accustomed to each other
and
forget the little things like “i love you”
in more than the verbal, habitual sense.

they no longer see.

when i feel myself growing
accustomed to having you around,
taking you for granted,
forgetting passionate beginnings,

looking at you without seeing

i stop and realize
you could NOT be here,
you could slip away.

then
i do all the things necessary
to keep our love alive
and
protect your heart

that sees me so clearly.

 

Poem Copyright © 2005 Nan C. Loyd

He’s Such Magic

August 10th, 2014

 

…to my husband

 

He didn’t swoop into my life
To tear it up
As so many others had.
He slipped in – almost unnoticed
Tentatively reaching toward me
To join our lives as one.

He was so quiet and unassuming
I almost missed his worth
But as we meshed our lives together
And he grew comfortable in our love
He became someone else…
A
Magic man who loves unconditionally
And saw exactly who I was
behind the icy barriers of protection
And his strength
And his power
And his love
Melted all objections away
That I am worthy of his love.

 

Poem Copyright ©2007 Nan C. Loyd

Love Ain’t Got No Buts

August 10th, 2014

 

 Love Ain’t Got No Buts

There ain’t no buts in real love
No
I love you but you need to change
I love you but I won’t marry you
I love you but I don’t want your kid
I love you but my wife won’t understand
I love you but I will smack you if you make me mad
I love you but you just don’t understand me
I love you but I love her, too
I love you but I want a divorce
I love you but let’s just live together
I love you but it’s just for tonight
I love you but I toss that word around
So that I can get what I want from you

There ain’t no buts in real love

 

Poem Copyright © 2007 Nan C. Loyd