In mid-70’s a group called Nazereth had a hit song: Love Hurts:
Love hurts – love scars
Love wounds and mars
Any heart not tough
Or strong enough
To take a lot of pain
Take a lot of pain
Love is like the clouds
Holds a lot of rain
These lovely depressing lyrics were so perfect if one wanted to wallow in depression! Oh my, this song was a heartbreak anthem and I loved it so much. It was so full of angst and agony which fit where I was in my life when it came out. Mega down on love and life and very unhappy. And I either believed or lived all those lyrics.
And you know what? Those lyrics are absolutely NOT true.
If it hurts, scars, wounds, and mars, it isn’t love. If it has conditions, it isn’t love. If it demands its own way, it isn’t love. If it says, “If you love me, you will _______ (fill in the blank)” – nope, not love!
If it says “I love you but…” it isn’t love because using the word “but” means every word that came before it, is erased. “I love you but you need to change” means that “but” erases the “I love you” and the truth is “you need to change” – “for me” being the implication!
Real love is unconditional and while it should be nurtured and protected, it does not “love with expectations.” You don’t do something special for your loved one, expecting a thank you or an atta-boy or some sort of expectation. You do something simply because you love them.
Alpha Hubby excels at unconditional love. He loves me. Period. End of sentence. He had a lot of patience while helping me unpack the baggage – issues – I brought to the marriage. It took a while. He stuck around and he helped me work through fear and lack of trust. He gave me total unconditional, complete love.
He taught me that love doesn’t hurt, either physically or emotionally. He taught me that there is no “I love you because you do this for me” or “I love you ‘cause you are purtier than a speckled pup” or “If you do this, I’ll be your best friend…” err, oh! Sorry, that was high school.
So I just want the world to know – I love this man. Every year we are married, the more I realize what a treasure I have in Alpha Hubby. I thought I knew that in the beginning but honestly, each year I realize more about all his good points, his goodness, positive things about him, I know more than ever that this is one amazing man.
I love how he takes care of himself, working out, looking sharp. He goes to the gym but also does a lot of physical labor around the ranch and I’m shallow – I love his arms – and not just because they are strong and manly man arms (although that is a good reason, smile).
It is why I like my signature avatar so much – a man holding the woman with one arm. The implied strength in this dance move reminds me of Alpha Hubby. We’re going to duplicate this picture someday soon. He’ll even give up his cowboy boots for this – that’s true love.
His arms will wrap around me and hold me in a slow dance in the kitchen. Or they will gentle and hold me if I just need a hug. Or as a prelude to *bleepity bleep* which is always good! Always! I can depend on his strength.
I do love how I can trust him to always be the same. Unless he is very, very, very tired – very – Alpha Hubby’s even temperament is almost always the same, smooth and laid back. Oh, there have been some voices-raised discussions about really dumb stuff (and usually my fault for being a terrier who won’t let the bone go), but on the whole, I can count on him to be the calm voice of reason. That is an incredible and amazing “good point” about him.
BUT, on the other hand, if he is short-tempered, then I know he is either hungry or very, very tired from working too hard (pretty much two full-time jobs between his cattle and day job) so that is still the same thing. I know it isn’t personal and that he just needs a break and to eat or get sleep.
I love that Alpha Hubby is a man of Honor. To him, when he spoke his marriage vows, they were forever. He is a man of his word and means what he says. He will not and does not change (which has more to do with God than me, which is a very good thing).
His word being good is very important to him, as is his name. His name is synonymous with integrity, and people know that. When he says something, people can trust that word.
There are no hidden or sudden surprises. I don’t really like surprises, or should I say, being caught off guard. With Alpha Hubby, I always know where I stand – firmly in his heart, totally loved.
And that is a wonderful place to live.